The Vita has all of the features you wish the Nintendo Switch had.

[Yerm]

Bluetooth headphone support?
-I could take it or leave. i dont even have a pair of bluetooth headphones

Wallpapers/Themes
-you got me there, although this isnt really a deal breaker. also signs point towards that being a thing very soon

Built in voice chat
-the mobile app is not as bad as people say it it. it needs work, but it is perfectly usable

Web browser
-the Switch as one its just a bit harder to access, but it also isnt really necessary since everyone has a smartphone of some kind with internet access

Netflix and other streaming services
-it doesnt have Netflix, Amazon, or Youtube yet, but it does have Hulu.

Folders
-fair point

Lock screen password/PIN
-i never needed one for a console before, so

Camera
-i really dont think anyone cares

Backwards compatibility
-losing backwards compatibility was a necessary evil, but fair point

Downloadable library of old games
-they will come... eventually

Cross Console purchases
-this would be a fair point if the Switch and 3DS had the same games, which they dont

Messages
-Discord exists