Hmm.. reading this confuses me whether I'm an atheist. At the age of about 13 it became clear to me there was no evidence to support the existence of god and the people that believed in god cared little for evidence. The older I got the more compelling it became that there was no god but there is still desire in me to believe in god given the evidence or some factual basis for it but I can't even see where a god would fit into nature or the cosmos. There is no place for such a being. I see good people around me that I don't want to cease to exist but I know they will just like myself. There is nothing particularly good about being an atheist and not much solace in realising there is no god. I'd be a happier man if I saw some evidence for some sort of spiritual existence but all I really see is lies and people who are much more successful at lying to themselves than myself.
You sometimes wonder what a world would be like 100% full of atheists, I suspect it would be even more depressing than it is now. I quite like the positivity of religious people. Some religious people are exceptionally decent people and as someone who sees kindness and empathy as great virtues I like that. Often religious people are motivated by their belief that they can save you, it isn't a desire to manipulate you. Lets face it if a person lives their whole life enriched by believing something and it actually improves their quality of life and when they die will never know any different as their life fades away. It's hardly a wasted life.
You wonder if you were born mentally ill and were either constantly happy or having the sensation of orgasm but spent your whole life in an asylum just clapping your hands and dribbling would that be a curse or a gift?
