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Closest was i actually got stuck in a social class with them, they were mid to high functioning i forget the name but they talked but would easily get aggressive and lash out. Not easy to get through to also. Was brutal hated every day of it.

As far as the other things, for one stop putting your happiness dependant on the other person. You will always be miserable that way. There is no perfect ideal, don't put the pussy on a pedestal.

Stop both attempts at relationships until you figure your own shit out, figure out how to be happy alone and with out security. Man the F up and take on life, really what's the worst that can happen, a small apartment crappy old car.

DO NOT start anything with a roommate.