This is a peculiar story with interesting rammifications for me and maybe something interesting to hear from somene like me.
Today is a regular work day. I have the late shift, so I really could not afford to be late, especially not on a Monday. I missed my first train, so I was already 10 minutes late. About half way through the commute a bunch of people stepped into my wagon. Among them 3 individuals who I didn't mind at first. One of them didn't seem to belong to the other two and went straight through to the back of the wagon. The 2 other men talked a bit among themselves until one of them separated and went to the middle of the train and just stood there. I thought to myself, that's quite odd. They seem to be buddies, why would they just move to different parts of the train seemingly in the middle of a conversation.
The doors were still open and I looked at the two guys looking kinda stressed or nervous, looking around and not at each other. Suddenly my mind went wild and I got really sick to my stomach. What if.... I thought to myself. It's a train, 3 strange men positioning themselves.... what if. I stepped slowly out of the train just before the door closed. The train went off and I added another 10 minutes to me being late. I sat down and stared at the information display, seemingly waiting for something to pop up. Nothing did. Everything stayed normal and I took the next train to work and now I'm typing this.
I am by no means a paranoid person. But I would describe myself as especially cautious. I will usually go out of my way to take measures to protect myself before something happens. You could say leaving the train was my survival instinct kicking in. I didn't expect it to be so strong. After all, the behavior of the men could've easily been explained by them being ticket inspectors who will position themselves exactly like this just before the train leaves the station. My brain didn't want to risk that appearantly.
Oh, did I mention, that those 3 gentlemen were black? Germany is a very multi cultural country but it's still rare to see actual black people here, even in a city like Berlin. Those were the only black people I saw this day and I'm sure they will stay the only ones. Does leaving a train because black people stepped into my compartment make me a racist? Of course not, only stupid people would claim that. But it leaves me with some interesting things to think about.
Apparently years of immigration and the constant negative coverage in the media and a general stigma of criminal immigrants have subconsciously altered my mind. After the world wide terror attacks reached Germany (and even Berlin) I've been more cautious than ever. In the past I have directly been a victim of crime perpetrated by people with immigration background, so I feel my reactions are definitely grounded in rationalism.
Do I feel weird about my behavior today? A bit. Would I do it again in similar circumstances? Absolutely. I'd rather take a chance and avoid possible danger 500 times without there being any than just once have too lax judgement and risk my health or even my life.
Well that's it. I'll await your unjustified accusations in the comments.
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