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I know it's hard, but I guess the only conceivable advice I can give you is that you should try not to get over-worried by almost everything. We all have our inner demons to deal with, that's alright, it's a matter of working through them with time and patience. As for the friends thingy, I told you to hook up with some of your co-workers (not sure if you answered me in regards to this). If the gaming zone wasn't up to your liking, you can always try checking up D&D geeky nerds in your place (these people generally set up open-ended plays and, afaik, some are very welcoming); it's another option you could bear in mind.