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You really have nothing to be sorry for, Mr. Layton. You sound a bit like the person that takes back an abusive relationship. You're kind in spirit, and as such you started blaming yourself with time. That's not a bad quality, but be aware it can cause you problems and allow you to be taken advantage of. Forgive him, stay his friend, that's all good. But don't for a second think that you are to blame.