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Joke thread or not, I think third-party games tend to sell better on Nintendo consoles when they're exclusive titles that appeal to the Nintendo audience instead of downgraded ports from other consoles. For all the complaints people have about the game, Super Bomberman R actually sold really well on the Switch (And it's getting free DLC too, from Konami of all companies). Nintendo should honestly keep funding more third-party exclusives like they did with Wonderful 101/Bayonetta 2/etc, I think that could work out well in the long run.

Obviously not implying that third-party companies should become Nintendo exclusive though, that's stupid =P