Dad defends son(convicted rapist); "it was only 20 minutes of action"

[naruball]

dongo8 said:

naruball said:

1. You're really not reading what I am saying.

2. Of course you're not saying that you'd be proud if your daughter was raped, that'd be crazy.

3. "It's 100% the rapist's fault". Is that clear? Yes? Great.

Now let's move to another topic, completely unrelated to the RAPE that happened. Heavy drinking. Heavy drinking can lead to a number of thinks including the death of the person who drinks or the deaths of others. It is bad on its own. Again, it doesn't have to do anything with the rape. I'm examining it as seprate thing.

Let's say that your son, James, goes to a bar; he gets really drunk and another guy starts a fight with him for no reason and he can't defend himself or run away, as he is intoxicated. He gets stubbed and goes to the hospital where he learns he won't be able to walk again. Is that his fault? NO! It is the person's who attacked him. But as a father wouldn't you wish he were more careful like you taght him? James leaves the hospital after a certain time and goes around schools telling students about the dangers of heavy drinking and dodgy bars (and speaks against violence). You feel proud of him.

You have another son, Nate. Nate went out the same day but to a bar with better reputation and had one drink. He rememebered what you taught him so he made sure he stayed out of trouble (i.e. by not drinking too much). He always listens to you. He comes home and finds out about his brother, James. He tries to do everything he can to comfort him. A few days later you read James' statement and feel very proud of him for the way he expressed himself/dealt with the situation.  

Who are you more proud of? James, who was unlucky to have someone almost kill him even though it wasn't his fault, but who also drank too much and went to a dodgy place, or of Nate who listened to you? Nate was never given the CHANCE to make you that "proud" for the very simple reason that he was careful, as you taught him.

It's not the did do, or didn't do. It's the handling of the aftermath of the situation, she is handling it wonderfully. Also, getting stabbed is nowhere near a apples to apples comparison to getting raped. You don't feel ashamed to go out to the world and tell them that you were stabbed by some dirtbag, because they would think that the other person is just an angry jerk. When raped, however you don't feel you can trust anyone any more, and you feel ashamed to tell others because you feel less of yourself just talking about it. Rape has no equivalent. What if she wasn't drunk? This happens to others when they are not drunk, they are just walking across campus, or out alone somewhere, get held at knifepoint, gunpoint, etc, or get overpowered. It's entirely possible that she could have gotten raped sober too.

I'm not for what she did when she drank so heavily that she couldn't remember anything. I am FOR the way that she came out and faced it head on and showed just how it feels to be this victim. This is something that you never see, you never know the stories BEHIND what happens, so it is not only refreshing, but it is empowering and creates a sense of pride and understanding that you don't generally feel for rape victims because YOU JUST DON'T KNOW. So stop trying to spin it like "I'd be more proud of the kid who DOESN'T do anything dumb". Of course you would expect and want as a parent for your kid to be as smart and safe as possible. Young people make bad decisions though, and it is what they do AFTER those bad decisions that really shows just what kind of person they are.

I get aaaaall that. I truly do. Never disagreed with you in terms of the way she handled it, or that he is a rapist, or that she could have gotten raped sober.

I simply don't agree with putting her on a pedestal. She could be a terrible (or an amazing) person who wrote (or someone else wrote for her) a great statement. For me that alone doesn't deserve the title of a superhero. Someone who has shown they are a great person throughout their lives does. She hasn't demonstrated enough. Celebrities write inspirational statements all the time (in terms of drugs, fame, depression). It doesn't make them superheroes to me. Male celebrities have come out (Wentworth Miller, Colton Haynes) and talked about their fight against depression I(embrassing apparently for me), others about being raped. But what else have they done? The closest thing to celebrity being a superhero (as far as I'm concerned) is Angelina Jolie. Since her relationhsip with Brad Pitt she's been consistently a role model in many areas of her life helping people throughout the world (through actions not just words). Statements are not enough for me.

But feel free to feel differently.

You didn't answer which son you'd be more proud of, but at this point, I don't think you care about addressing it, so let's just leave it at that.