Dad defends son(convicted rapist); "it was only 20 minutes of action"

[dongo8]

naruball said:

dongo8 said:

I actually agree with Wyrdness. You say you're not defending him but in the same post you are basically saying it is her fault for getting blackout drunk. She made a mistake, one that she will obviously never repeat, but it does not excuse his actions in any way, shape or form. I was saying I would be the most proud person ever of her because of the way she handled the situation and made herself a symbol for others out there. NOT because she was in the situation in the first place. She made one of the worst decisions she will ever make her entire life, but what she got for it was more than just the typical walk of shame the next day after being blackout drunk. She got a mental scar, physical evidence of forceful penetration, distrust for her peers, and then got dragged through court and had to relive it.

She is handling this situation in a much more mature and better way than most, and the way you are approaching it is kind of like you are blaming her. This is the same thing as defending the idiot who put his hands on her, and it's just wrong. So yes, in a way you are certainly defending the guy for what he did simply because you do not agree with what the woman did. I wouldn't approve of my kids drinking, doing drugs, anything illegal, PERIOD. But if they ever made a mistake (which many are liable to do) like this and something like this happened to them, I would be horrified. But then to have them turn it around into something positive for everyone else to look to and to understand, and experience from without ever actually having the experience themselves is pretty damn heroic in my mind. So I am and would be extremely proud of my kid for handling this situation in such a way that others can learn from it, and draw courage to speak out from it.

1. You're really not reading what I am saying.

2. Of course you're not saying that you'd be proud if your daughter was raped, that'd be crazy.

3. "It's 100% the rapist's fault". Is that clear? Yes? Great.

Now let's move to another topic, completely unrelated to the RAPE that happened. Heavy drinking. Heavy drinking can lead to a number of thinks including the death of the person who drinks or the deaths of others. It is bad on its own. Again, it doesn't have to do anything with the rape. I'm examining it as seprate thing.

Let's say that your son, James, goes to a bar; he gets really drunk and another guy starts a fight with him for no reason and he can't defend himself or run away, as he is intoxicated. He gets stubbed and goes to the hospital where he learns he won't be able to walk again. Is that his fault? NO! It is the person's who attacked him. But as a father wouldn't you wish he were more careful like you taght him? James leaves the hospital after a certain time and goes around schools telling students about the dangers of heavy drinking and dodgy bars (and speaks against violence). You feel proud of him.

You have another son, Nate. Nate went out the same day but to a bar with better reputation and had one drink. He rememebered what you taught him so he made sure he stayed out of trouble (i.e. by not drinking too much). He always listens to you. He comes home and finds out about his brother, James. He tries to do everything he can to comfort him. A few days later you read James' statement and feel very proud of him for the way he expressed himself/dealt with the situation.  

Who are you more proud of? James, who was unlucky to have someone almost kill him even though it wasn't his fault, but who also drank too much and went to a dodgy place, or of Nate who listened to you? Nate was never given the CHANCE to make you that "proud" for the very simple reason that he was careful, as you taught him.

It's not the did do, or didn't do. It's the handling of the aftermath of the situation, she is handling it wonderfully. Also, getting stabbed is nowhere near a apples to apples comparison to getting raped. You don't feel ashamed to go out to the world and tell them that you were stabbed by some dirtbag, because they would think that the other person is just an angry jerk. When raped, however you don't feel you can trust anyone any more, and you feel ashamed to tell others because you feel less of yourself just talking about it. Rape has no equivalent. What if she wasn't drunk? This happens to others when they are not drunk, they are just walking across campus, or out alone somewhere, get held at knifepoint, gunpoint, etc, or get overpowered. It's entirely possible that she could have gotten raped sober too.

I'm not for what she did when she drank so heavily that she couldn't remember anything. I am FOR the way that she came out and faced it head on and showed just how it feels to be this victim. This is something that you never see, you never know the stories BEHIND what happens, so it is not only refreshing, but it is empowering and creates a sense of pride and understanding that you don't generally feel for rape victims because YOU JUST DON'T KNOW. So stop trying to spin it like "I'd be more proud of the kid who DOESN'T do anything dumb". Of course you would expect and want as a parent for your kid to be as smart and safe as possible. Young people make bad decisions though, and it is what they do AFTER those bad decisions that really shows just what kind of person they are.