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WHo cares about those laws? Nobody, they are rarily enforced. And only in the case of being drunk to the point of being unconscious or being forced to drink. And ofc children and mentally disabled(which i never even brought up).

Going by your definitions.
-Most people are rapists.
-Nearly everyone has been raped or has raped somebody.
-What you consider rape is perfectly normal to almost everyone. Actual rape victims will be very offended by trivializing actual rape in this way.
-2 people who are both tipsy/drunk are raping each other(wtf).

You are comparing rape to perfectly normal sex.