This is inspired by Jim Sterling of Destructoid, who puts together these fun little lists he calls "Ten golden rules". check out this one for online gamers, survival horror, and the anti video game lobby to see what I mean.
He also did this article about what he called graphics pimping, which is pushing graphics from the developers, instead of from the gamers.
That inspired me to do this list on how to be a proper graphics whore. Yet I feel it could use some polishing. And I want your help.
Also, this is not meant to bash anyone, or anything, save for the concept of graphics whoring.
1. You cannot serve two masters.
If you are constantly gushing about the PS3 having the best graphics, get out. You're just a console fanboy posing as a graphics whore. You're just as fair weather as the Nintendo fanboys. You should put graphics above your favorite system. If your company decides graphics aren't worth their time, you should tell them to go to hell.
2. Pretend "Graphics don't matter" is a literal phrase.
Nothing helps a weak argument better than using a strawman to pretend the other side has an even weaker argument. If someone says graphics don't matter, take it to its illogical extreme. He/She must want Atari level graphics to still be around! Or he/she just refuses to acknowledge that these are called video games!
3. It's not having the best graphics; it's trying to have the best graphics.
An extention of point 1, this is why the PS2 is all right, while the Wii is an abomination. The PS2 was an experiment to create a powerful device. It's not Sony's fault Nintendo and Microsoft had a year to figure out how to top it. Sony gets points for effort. Nintendo abandoned that effort this generation.
4. Fun is in the polygon count and resolution.
Swinging a sword with the Wiimote, but with last gen graphics? Lame! Pressing a button, but being able to see individual drops of blood spray out? Awesome! Who cares if you can't actually look at it in game, or else you'll get impaled as soon as you stop to admire it? You can just play that area again, and enjoy all those details. And if the gameplay in the more detailed game is broken?
You have no idea what that means. Specs are more important.
Anyone who doesn't know what GFLOPS or TFLOPS are aren't even worth spitting at. Your equipment can process 45 trillion of them a second! With numbers that big, who needs commonly understood specs?
This is the real reason Rockstar Presents Table Tennis on the Wii was bad, not the control being considered a letdown, but the fact that all those visual details were lost. Who cared if you could only enjoy them in the replays? You wanted to see the sweat!
5. Only rarely reply to damning figures.
Crysis did dismal sales. The Wii is kicking ass. The cost of graphics is skyrocketing. What do you think of those facts? You don't think of them. You can't think of a proper counter (not a true one, just one that will shut them up). So you'll just ignore it until you can think of something.
6. People who put down graphics are philistines.
This isn't the casual gaming audience. They don't know better. This is about the hardcore gamers who refuse to recognize the importance of 50 million polygons, 1,000,000 x 1,000,000 texture resolution, normal mapping, and hyper realistic lighting. Why can't they see those are what make a good game? Why do they insist on this crap about gameplay and design?
7. The Uncanny Valley doesn't exist.
Never, EVER, acknowledge this impediment to photo realism. If something actually stops the push for greater graphics, your life will have lost meaning.
8. Old games are unplayable because of how they look.
Nevermind the excellent art direction of Metal Gear Solid or the still fluid gameplay of Ocarina of Time. You can count the texels on the character models. That's crap! Even 6th gen games hurt your eyes a little. Although Twilight Princess looks pretty good for a Gamecube game. It just magically looks bad on the Wii.
9. People who put down graphics are jealous.
It is physically impossible to have a high graphics system and not be a graphics whore. It is also physically impossible to have the means to get one, but not get it. Therefore, putting down graphics is sour grapes, from those who can't experience it.
List is adjusted from the original source.
A flashy-first game is awesome when it comes out. A great-first game is awesome forever.
Plus, just for the hell of it: Kelly Brook at the 2008 BAFTAs
