I think it's done

[twesterm]

a.l.e.x00 said:

Sonic the Hedgehog sucks. It sucks beyond imagination. It sucks so fucking much, it would make a black hole explode.

 

 Ok, I'm sorry to sound like a huge jerk here but here we go...

You may have played a lot of bad Sonic games, but no. Let me tell you. This one is the king of bad Sonic games.

 

Now, the first thing that really sky rockets my shit into outer space, is why they named this shit-making bee hive, after the original? Like, what if a Mario game, just as bad, was made, and named Super Mario Bros.? Mario would be so pissed, he'd remove the letter "M" from his hat. Oh, and he'd destroy the Mushroom Kingdom too, of course.

 

Sky rockets your shit into outer space?  That's not even clever or funny.  Are you 12?

Way to follow up the horribly lame comment with shit-making bee hive.  

The analogy- stupid. 

 

Now look. Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Sonic the Hedgehog. Why do they have the exact same name? It makes no sense, and is very annoying. Like, I'm on the Internet, looking up the original Sonic, but guess what happens? Bottom line is, have different names, damn it!

I think I've seen the AVGN do this gig several times but with movies. 

 

Remember Tails? Whoever played as him, in two-player team mode, was the bitch, and had to follow the leader, Sonic, but you were always jerking off, somewhere in the sky, or cut off the screen, and you could never land on a platform, to actually play. That always pissed me off. Useless Tails. He was awesome. Of all the Sonic games, I've only liked Sonic, and Tails, because they go together like Mario, and Luigi, but too bad they now ride the shit train, like everyone else.

I thought you weren't reviewing the old games. 

 

Tails doesn't look that much worse. I mean, he definitely looks uglier, but the reason why he sucks now, is his voice. It's worse than Slippy Toad from Star Fox 64.

Another pretty lame thing to throw in. 

 

Now, there's another hedgehog. Yeah. Shadow. Okay, why does he drive a truck, when he runs much faster? It makes as much sense as Kirby, sucking up enemies, with a giant vacuum.

 

More lame analogies. 

 

Go back to Final Fantasy. Fucking bitch. Now, I dare you to watch this. Need I say more? It's like watching a nightmare. Seriously, what the hell were they thinking?

 

I would call this yet another lame analogy but I actually have no idea why you're talking about FF here. 

 

Anyways, there's others, like Rouge. Get off the wall you slutty bat bitch. And Blaze. Blazing shit. Bottom line is, there's too many characters, they suck, they're ugly, and nobody wants to play as any of them. As for their voices.

 

Listening to a sick, constipated, rhinoceros, trying to take a diarrhea, would be more enjoyable.

 

Why don't you just call it a shit-load of a fuck?  Then you would be just like the AVGN.

 

Now, before you can play most of the levels, you need to jump through the corresponding portals, scattered throughout the hub world, and that's exactly what the next problem is. Why do hub worlds need to exist? Who thought they would be a good idea? I mean, are they supposed to be fun? They're extremely annoying, because they constantly interrupt the levels. Nobody wants to revisit the same place, over and over again. It gets boring after a while. The levels should be consecutive.

 

 

 

Remember the Genesis classics, when you played the levels, one, directly after another? It was non-stop fun back then. Why? No fucking hub worlds. They're a waste of time.

 

It's funny how you bitch about hub worlds here and then tell people to go play Super Mario Galaxy at the end.  Even in Super Mario 64 they really are just the same thing.  If anything, SMG is actually the worst one because it doesn't even have that nostalgic factor.

 

This is Sonic Jam, and you get to traverse through this 3D world. Believe it or not, this is the first, true 3D Sonic world. Too bad Sonic Xtreme was cancelled. That still upsets me, even today. Anyways, this feels like Sonic, doesn't it? It has that Sonic vibe, right? Definitely. I mean, you almost, don't get any more Sonic than this. Everything belongs. The classic, checkered ground. The Sonic-inspired music. I don't know what this spinning thing is, but it belongs. Even the clouds, retain that Sonic atmosphere. And look at the way the camera focuses on Sonic, when he jumps on a spring, into the bright, blue sky. Even that's grand. The entire world, is a dream. The way Sega presented Sonic in the past, is magic. Now, my only questions is, how did we get from this.[/quote]

 

 

 

 

Did you change games here?  See, this is why I would have loved to see a video before this ruined it for me.

 

Now, there is nothing more out of place, than humans, in a Sonic game. They're more out of place, than a giant painting of mona lisa, at the Mushroom Kingdom, of Super Mario 64. They simply, do not belong. Sonic games, are about running through mystical, dream-like, fantasy worlds. Not running through butt-ugly towns, full of butt-ugly humans. Now, because this isn't a Sonic game, it's Sonic, that doesn't belong here. Then again, this is Sonic. Not this. So in that case, the entire game, not, should not exist, but needed not to exist. Sorry. Shakespeare got to me.

 

 

Maybe it's just me but you have too many bad analogies in here.  Keep one maybe two and throw away the rest.  

 

Oh great, a loading screen. Look at the random instructions. They're simplified to the point where they don't make any sense. Why is it taking so long? This is ridiculous. What a load of bullshit.

 

 

 Sweet!  The AVGN makes a guest appearance!

 

And actually I'm done.  I don't feel like going through the rest.  All the above just isn't very good and I'm assuming the rest is about the same quality.  Maybe having a video to go with it will make it better but at the moment it's just a shit-load of fuck (see, I can pretend to be the AVGN nerd too).