Ok lets get serious here.
There's this thing called dial up, some of you are maybe too young to remember it but it does exist.
So basically you guys are arguing you don't have a phone line at home ?
PS : Or if you have a cellphone with any kind of net browsing capacity you should be able to connect your laptop to the net through the cellphone..
If you have no internet, no fixed phone line, no cellphone you are screwed. 10 000 BC probably was made after you...