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It is of course a private matter. But I will tell the adults in here the truth about this (being CosmicSex and all):
The real issue is that people don't know how to be honest. Period; to communicate their desires and needs.
You have to be willing to tell your partner what you need and hope that they can work with you to make that happen. Even if that involves another person or couple.

Stop shaming sex and learn to talk to each other. And, learn that their is a difference between sex and intimacy.