When I was young people had high expectations for me. Supposedly I was gifted. I scored high on every test I was given. All of my friends were the type that ended up going on to Ivy league schools.
I've made a lot of mistakes. I've gone to two different colleges, got kicked out from both. Those smart friends of mine, well I pushed them away. Why? I can't even remember why.
Now I'm a part-time grocery store cashier. Most of my friends are pretty sketchy. I've been involved in many sketchy things. I've seen some really crazy things.
Its like I've chosen this life for myself, and I don't know why. I try to find explanations in my head, but I still just don't understand what I'm doing. What is wrong with me? Why can I not understand my own actions? I keep trying to turn my life around, and I fail every time. Now I give up because I feel that my failure is inevitable.
Sometimes I think it was the pressure to meet those high expectations people had for me. Sometimes I think its because I get bored too easily. Sometimes I blame it on my ADD. Sometimes I blame it on anxiety and depression. For all I know I could just be too immature.
I really can not keep living my life like this. I don't know what I should do. I don't know who I can turn to for advice. I feel really lost and I have for a long time.
Anyone have any advice or words of reassurance?
[2:08:58 am] Moongoddess256: being asian makes you naturally good at ddr
[2:09:22 am] gnizmo: its a weird genetic thing
[2:09:30 am] gnizmo: goes back to hunting giant crabs in feudal Japan
