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The annoying part about this is that this guy is legitimately inept. It's not that he's bad at games; he's bad at functioning. This is the golden line.

"Now, part of my anger at this design choice has to do with the fact that I have an abnormally poor sense of direction, in reality as well as in games."

It took him 15 minutes to get to the first boss after dying. There's no reason it should take more than 60 seconds, because there are SHORTCUTS.

There's no reason it should take anyone with a functioning brain 12 hours to beat the first boss. The game is not "12 hours on the first boss" hard. I would stop too, if it took me 12 hours to beat any one boss.