Scifi fans, can you give an opinion about this prologue? is it too long/ grammar sucks / lame/ is it fun to read / confusing ...etc

[Richard_Feynman]

PullusPardus said:

Thank you a lot of this reply, It means a lot.

Welcome :)

 

Maybe this shouldn't be the prologue? Just a suggestion. I still REALLY want to know where in the Universe this is happening (date and place).