| PullusPardus said: I'm not a native English speaker as well, but yeah I can see the grammar errors, thanks I think its because I kept rewriting it that I accumulated a lot of errors Also that story sounds a lot like Ringworld. |
Yup it has some simelarities. In Ringworld they crash land on a full ring build around a star with the engineers seemingly long gone. Bowl of heaven is more like a giant rotating teacup next to a travelling star, with the population under tight management through genetic engineering. It's part techy sci-fi, doing a good job at describing how such a structure could work, and has interesting insights in how the human mind works as the aliens try to figure out how human intelligence works compared to their own. It starts with one of the nastiest descriptions of waking up out of cry sleep, I think I'll pass lol.
Anyway keep it up with your story. Looks interesting. Better to do a full rewrite of a paragraph instead of tinkering with bits of a sentence. Also easier to do when you keep sentences a bit shorter. Also one thing to keep track of is who the main subject is in the chapter. Referring to him by his name works better for me than using references like the driver. He's the one who's thoughts are described, so he should know his name too :)
