Scifi fans, can you give an opinion about this prologue? is it too long/ grammar sucks / lame/ is it fun to read / confusing ...etc

[SvennoJ]

In Bowl of heaven a human interstellar expedition happens onto a star enveloped by a bowl on 1 side, with a hole in the middle through which a huge jet of plasma shoots out. The advanced civilization has transformed a star into a space ship and is heading to the same star system the humans are going, both drawn by the strange gravitational waves emanating from that system.
The humans divert the ship to explore this engineered world the size of mercury's orbit. Soon after attempting a landing part of the survey team gets captured and transported to a 'garden' near the hub to be studied by the aliens, while a larger part escapes into the vast habitable part of the world at the outer edge.

What I mean with descriptions is that often less is more. For example what I'm reading currently, at some point the captured humans are trying to escape climbing a 100ft transparent wall in 0.1g. (They have been set loose in a cage / sectioned off area, several hundred square kilometers in size) While climbing they get noticed by huge spiders the size of a small minivan, one of the humans falls behind. The only mention of his horrible fate is the others noticing his body starting to fall back down crumpled up like a discarded tissue paper. That's enough to convey all the horror in 1 short sentence, very effective.

Grammar errors for example
over them there was were even more brighter lights up in the distance almost too far to be visible in the distance, guiding holographic yellow lights floated floating in mid air, blinking and curving upwards while others more curved downwards. Numbers between the curved lights displayed / announced display speed limits and distance remaining of each virtual road. The driver having switched to manual pilot mode and descended down the path.
More is not needed I think. I'm not a native English speaker although I read a lot, so don't hold me to it :) Anyway just use grammar check in Word. Don't make the sentences too long and use the same tense throughout the sentence.