SvennoJ on 04 August 2014
It's not bad, you could use a grammar and spell checker though and decide on what tense to use. It's distracting when you switch from present to past tense even within the same sentence.
I like the setting, but the panicky driver is a bit overdone. It's better to describe his reactions, hands slightly shaking, sweating etc and leave the direct nervous / panic descriptions out. A bit less words wouldn't hurt.
An childhood chapter could work, great place to explain how the world came to be that way and explore the setting. After you write that I would suggest rewriting the prologue. And read lots of sci-fi! I'm going to read some more of Bowl of Heaven now, excellent book. That's the kind of sci-fi I like most.
