1) 1) Doctors at the UPMC Presbyterian Hospital in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania are going to try an entirely new procedure aimed at essentially “suspending life”. This was welcome news for people still waiting for Shenmue 3. Hang in there guys.
2) 2) The lego games franchise has sold 100 million copies. Urban legend has it that if you assemble all those copies, they fit together to form a giant golden calf that you can milk for all eternity…..
3) 3) The newest installment of “The Wolf Among Us” released this week and it was indeed yet another spectacular entry in the series, much like this post will be. Hey! Stop laughing, the jokes haven’t started yet. Anyway, this episode saw the return of Nerissa (the little mermaid) who maintains her human form via a magic thingy of sorts. However, it’s no fairy tale existence for her, as she appears broke and alone in the series. How could this be? I was determined to find out so I decided to “ride the white pony” all the way to the fictional universe.
My first stop was to see Colin and ask if he would be willing to donate his body to science. The science of deliciousness! Unimpressed by my plans to corner the market on celebrity bacon, he promptly gave me a real-life “disagree”. The pain in my groin subsided after about 5 minutes and I got back on my feet and back on track. Do you know that pigs can orgasm for 30 minutes? Here’s a better question – Why do I remember that?
Smoked Bacon – not the kind that I was talking about
Anyway, I made my way down to her workplace and met up with Georgie Porgie, that man who has attempted to put his “puddin” in every available “pie”, to find out the real story behind the little mermaid. He told me that whilst the “thingy” in question did indeed give her legs, it did not solve all her problems. “Like what?” I asked
“Well,” he shrugged, “she was part fish. “
“So what? That’s racist man!”
“No mate, let’s just say that it’s an acquired taste.”
“What is?”
“Down there mate” he said, with his eyes directed to his lap “Smell’s a bit much”.
“Oh, I see. Seems like no one ever looks forward to sleeping with the fishes”. I laughed out loud, I was the only one. Tough crowd.
“You’re a real douche, you know that?”
“Sounds like she could use one. Hey-oh!” I put my hand up in the air but received no high-five.
It turns out people can throw me much further than they trust me. I would have preferred to be escorted out, but none of the other girls were interested.
4) 4) Artificial intelligence development company Genotaur announced today that Tretton has joined its advisory board. Since leaving Sony, Jack started his own gaming website but has had little success. He plans to use the AI technology to randomly generate user comments and hence artificially inflate the number of hits that his site receives. Its turns out that it was easier than expected since internet gaming posts only use about 2.54367% of the words in the English language. He managed to get by with the AI locked at a smooth 60 IQ points.
