EPISODE 1
Here's some unimportant crap that happened this week.
1) The PSN store update this week was late (again) and users were quick to point out that a mistake was made in the pricing of DLC for GTA V which listed the “Megalodon Shark Cash Card” at $99.99. They were then equally quick to realize that this was no error and that this was indeed the correct price.
When asked for comment, EA insisted that they had not bought Rockstar recently but they did have this smug look on their faces…bastards
2) Stig Ammusen became the latest high-profile employee to leave a Sony studio. After selling 6 million consoles in the past 4 months for no apparent reason, Sony claims that they have discovered that games aren’t the only way to sell consoles. They went on to add that Amy Hennig has been retained to write petitions to get Microsoft to re-hire Don Mattrick.
3) Sony has announced their latest VR headset which works alongside the PS camera and Move controller. In a post-unveiling Q&A, a reporter asked about haptic feedback for the move controller while desperately hoping that no-one noticed that he was a pervert. Special thanks goes out to the NSA for providing the info which came via a beta test of equipment designed to record internal monolog.
4) It seems as though the recent Titanfall release has not done as much for the Xbox one sales as hoped. Titanfall 2 has already been announced and should be released on all consoles in 2 years or so. In the meantime, EA insists that Titanfall will not see a release on PlayStation platforms. They claim to be super serious just like they were with Mass Effect 1.
5) Hey there old timer! Remember when you used to pay for magazines to get game demos? Well, Konami sure as frack does because they just released a demo for $30. Unfortunately, they are currently unable to ship the magazines due to a sudden shortage of cardboard boxes.
6) Earlier this week while out for lunch, Dualshockers ran into someone who they recognized to be one of the developers associated with the delayed Driveclub game on PS4. We asked about the reasons behind the delay to which the dev replied “Polish! Polish!Polish!”
I can personally testify to this from experience. Polishing is usually a 2 –3 step process, starting first with an aggressive polish to remove imperfections, swirls, etc. then followed by a milder (finishing) polish to remove any hazing or slight marring and bring back the gloss to the finish.
However, when pressed about optimal number of wax coats per pixel and allegations of inappropriate use of buffers, the developer let out this weird moan. It was then we noticed that it was not a developer but instead a Nazi zombie placing a lunch order for Polish brains. The sighting should come as no surprise to South Park fans. Polish brains DON'T taste like chicken btw. Zombies are such liars.
7) The game development retirement fund known as kickstarter has seen 1 billion dollars in pledges. The most recent applicant is Koji Igarashi who got frustrated with Castlevania development and so left Konami to make a game that only resembles Castlevania…..from like 15 years ago.
8) Bear simulator has been announced this week and while many many are excited i simply don't see the appeal. However I've been coerced into adopting a "Don't knock it till you try it" approach by members of the LGBT community when i asked what the big deal was about bears. Prepare to be simulated.........that's what they said.
