Episode 2
Here's the news that no other site would dare publish. "Its all totally made-up nonsense" they said. That's the best kind of news!
1) As details emerge about Sony’s project Morpheus, the response from many news sites has been largely positive. Not to be left behind in the race for underutilized and under-supported peripherals, Microsoft also announced that they had in fact completed their very own Virtual Reality device. My first instinct was to call BS on this. How could it be possible that they complete all their testing without any info being leaked to the public or no public beta?
I promptly headed to meet my anonymous source from Microsoft at a public yet near-abandoned location. He was late as usual, so I bought some tokens and played a few games of Mrs Pacman. However, it was worth the wait. He revealed the method behind the Microsoft muteness.
It seems that beta testing has been complete for over 6 months now and production was in full swing. The beta test was actually quite small but intensive. In order to keep it under wraps, the company utilized their executives, forcing them to live in a virtual world far from reality in the months leading up to the launch of the Xbox one. Based on the results, we can confirm, that Microsoft is the clear winner in the virtual reality game.
2) Microsoft revealed recently that Plot in games is highly over-rated and that studios should focus more on characters and less on the overall story and content. They claimed to have unearthed this via research, but are currently being sued for plagiarism by sitcom writers...…mostly from CBS. When asked later on about the new exclusive Ryse, they went on to add “Oh yeah, gameplay doesn’t matter either. It’s all about shiny graphics and sweaty, angry men”
3) Sony’s new exclusive “Infamous: Second Son” has been finally released. Looking for a review? No Problem. Just get 2 six-sided dice and roll them and you will more than likely get a score that’s on Metacritic. If you roll 11 or 12, you should get the collector’s edition. If you roll 0 or 1, you should get a PhD in Mathematics. If you get more than 12, you should first get someone to re-check your Math. Even a 12-year old would do, there are tons of them on this site. Just make an arrangement to meet one of them in a secluded location where nobody can distract you. Go on! Don’t be shy!
4) Nintendo has a home console on the market called the “WiiU”
5) If you’re not sure why the above joke is funny, then go on a Nintendo-only messageboard or site and ask them why they think the WiiU is a joke. Thank me later.
6) This week, Fez finally made it to the PSN. Many remember the controversy surrounding this title where the purported developer, Phil Fish, was proven to be a fraud after foolishly admitting that he couldn’t figure out how to delete an app on his phone leading to a very public meltdown. He quickly departed his life of lies and is now the Life coach to Justin Bieber.
7) I have undeniable proof that god exists. I start a comedy blog one week and the very next week, Peter Molyneux speaks publicly. This joke is gonna be AWESOME.
Yes sir, the maker of Godus spoke to the limited life span of the “indie craze” and the unsexiness of the WiiU hardware. Not content with mainstream success, Molyneux is now going after that Niche Market Hate.
You know what? That last joke wasn’t that great. In fact, it was a piece of crap. But don’t worry, my NEXT Peter Molyneux joke is gonna be incredible!!!
8) This week, the universally loved Occulus rift has been sold to the universally hated Facebook and re-branded as such, leaving many backers in utter confusion and anger. In an effort to uncover the truth behind the acquisition, we made our way to Faceboook HQ. There we were shown a demo of an app that surrounds you with the comments and photos that you and your friends have posted online. I was about to ask who would want such a thing when suddenly…… A Wild Dick Cheney appears!!!! The Project is now being moved to Guantanamo Bay. Thanks Obama.
9) Tokyo Jungle and Short Peace director Yohei Kataoka spoke on why Microsoft hasn't yet found Japanese success with Xbox, saying that “…… Japanese people ………. feel the beauty in small and compact things with all the features condensed.” What a bunch of racists! Poor Godzilla, he’s looking for love in all the wrong places. I’m rooting for you in the new movie buddy. #TeamGodzilla
10) Layoffs continue at Sony studios, but never fear! A new exclusive tv show called “Powers” has been announced for the platform. Less games and more tv eh? That sounds familiar.
