Okay. Let's save this sinking ship.
Phase 1: The new ad campaign. Nintendo has been around since the 80's. A lot of kids have grown into adults with Nintendo. Time to play at their heartstrings. The "Then, Now, and Forever" movement begins. Videos about kids growing up with Nintendo, having the time of their lives, and then playing Nintendo with THEIR kids (like what I do). Also showcasing the evolution of Nintendo franchises like Metroid, Mario, and Zelda. Only on Nintendo.
Phase 2: "Free Games For U" aka "The Legacy movement". For one year, we're releasing one free game per month. A beloved Nintendo classic from Gamecube, Wii, N64, or Super Nes to our loyal fans as a thank you for your support over the years. First game out of the gate? Wave Race Blue Storm (with better controls). Just our way of showing our appreciation to the fans. Don't miss out, though. After a year, it's gone!!
Phase 7: "The New Rare". Go on a buying spree for companies that have a history of making great games but are having financial difficulty. Capcom Now known as Capcom/ Nintendo), you're on the list. Street Fighter is Nintendo exclusive now. Platinum (Now known as "Nintendo Platinum"), we own your asses. Square Enix (Now known as "N.E.S.")? Welcome home. And your franchises will be under scrutiny. We see you screwing them up, we swoop in and save 'em.
Phase 4: Fire Luigi. Sorry, Mario's brother. We let you have one year to yourself and you fuck everything up. We'll just go back to making Mario wear your clothes like we did in SMB1 and SMW. Nobody will notice. Maybe we'll hire you later. For now, you're collecting unemployment, you asshole.
Phase 5. "New Games For U" Move heaven and earth to get five third parties (not Capcom) to release five "must have" exclusive games for the Wii U. Offer them support, funding, advertising, etc. The ideas must be approved by me. We'll release concept videos at E3 and say their all coming soon. They have features that can only be done with the Wii U gamepad. Like it or not, that pad is the ace in the hole but it has to be played properly.
Phase 6: UNLEASH THE KRAKEN!! Pokemon World Online (Powered by Blizzard). You wanna be the very best like no one ever was? Well the only way to be the best is to beat the best. The MMORPG the world has been waiting for has finally been with a F2P model for one town. Wanna leave that town and be able to Catch 'em all? $5 a month and the world is yours (plus microtransactions) and enhanced Miiverse support.
Now, you're playing with power, bitches. Oh and, to borrow a quote from the competition, there's just one....more....thing....but I'm not gonna reveal it. My idea for a game so fucking awesome you'll piss out of your asses and shit out of your dicks. I've had the idea for years, trapped in this head of mine. The time has come to let it out. It's a perfect franchise for Wii U (and actually 3DS and even the fucking Vita). I'll hang on to it, though.
