Max King of the Wild said:
1. He admits he needs to "grow up." Thats fantastic! but... it's not something you can really force yourself to do. On top of that he may start despising it since he basically forced himself into maturity and may start blaming her for it. 2. She set restrictions on him with the kids. Uh... restrictions are never a good thing. I don't really feel like I need to expand on that further. 3. She totally lied to him about being a better father. Why do I say this? He started dating her 2 months ago. This incident happened 3 weeks ago. So that leaves a month and a week of relationship time. "After being with her for a while (A while is how long?) I started doing minor stuff." Lets say his "for a while" is 3 weeks. Now, no matter how shitty of a father figure the actual dad is I would not feel comfortable in being able to compare ANYONE to him with just 2 weeks of "data" for lack of a better word. Especially since after 2 weeks of doing minor things he completely bailed. I can't seeing the father being much worse. Not saying the father is better by any means. I'm simply saying she couldn't possibly know that with such limited data especially after the shitty bail out by the OP. Especially taking into consideration that it seems like it's the same guy for both kids... Which means the guy was most likely around for at least the first year of the first childs life at the earliest. Unless the mom and the dad got right back to business immediatly afterward and he left right after insemination |
You're completely right, but this is just the way it is you know for young people. Single mothers in their late teens to mid 20s can often say things like that, I've seen enough of them and that's not to be critical of them. It's normal behaviour to find someone and jump the gun - it was very much like the things my girlfriend who had a kid said to me, sure being 28 now it's a bit of a strange thing to say but it's just a sign of normal immaturity that you don't reach for a few years.
Having said that, I've met a few women who have kids who wouldn't talk in that way and are only in their teens. The thing is that it depends how scarred the woman is from that previous "dad". There's a lot of skumbag males around and a lot of scarred women because of them.
So yes you are right, most likely, and most likely long term it isn't a good start and yes most likely it will end in tears. But then most relationships do. Nothing is perfect in an imperfect world and you just have to get on with it and try and make the best decisions. One things for sure, all parties will learn something from it, that's not to say that the kids should be guinea pigs - far from it. But it's an inevitable course of life once a mother is single in some respects, for many mothers.
Things take time and eventually the "right" thing will happen. Kids won't be scarred, but hopefully they will learn something from it.
This is all very vague I know, but there's truth in this. I did what the OP talks about doing for a few years and you live and leanr during that time.
