GhaudePhaede010 said:
Any serious parent knows you cannot be serious about a relationship unless your partner is serious about the child/children. They go hand-in-hand. To try to seperate the two is completely selfish and doomed to a measure of failure once thee other person realizes the freedom they have had with the parent is a fleeting reality. Thee only way to know how serious someone is about me, is to know how they can handle being with a father. Not with a man that has children somewhere; a father. And it works the same way with a mother. If a mother wants to know how serious a man is about the relationship, from before day 1 (if possible), the partner should have a feel for the parents relationship with their child/children. Something that can only be gained first hand and not from story telling. Anything less is advertising the child/children as secondary and that should never be the representation of a parent. Between me and my girlfriend, we share 8 children. I met her children about three days into dating her and she met mine before we started dating at all. How she parents, how her children behave (if they are bad, well-behaved, have attachment issues, or have mental disabilities), how she changes as a person when around her chlidren are vital TO THE RELATIONSHIP and could have changed how I felt about her. Also, if a child/children is uncomfortable around thee other person, it is best known from the start so you can build together if possible as opposed working the relationship from the ground up all over again (if the relationship is not ended at that point; in my case, it would have been). A serious parent (I use the term loosely) knows better than to keep the children out of their life in that manner because the child is the parents life. If a parent is looking for a serious relationship, they better advertise being a parent first, and single second. If looking for a hookup, then you are correct, keep the lives distanced.
As far as advice to this guy, just move on. You care too much about the situation and that shows me you should walk away right now. |
I'm gonna have to agree with d21lewis on this one and I guess I have to agree to disagree with you. Two adults should have developed the skills to deal with losing somebody that comes into their lives. That's what dating is all about. You're trying to find that one person that is compatible with you and your life (including children). Children don't have that. In my opinion, it is totally unfair to introduce somebody to a child when they aren't ready to accept that responsibility. The child winds up getting attached and thinking that this person is going to be a part of their life and then has to shoulder the burden of thinking that they may have been the reason the relationship didn't work out. You're going to do this to a child every time you meet some hot chick/dude at the grocery store? Too many people in and out of your kids life. Not good.
You get to know the person. You see if they're the kind of person that you want around your kid. Then, you introduce them when you feel like they're going to be there for the long haul. You can't just pick up on that when you first meet someone. It takes about a month for their real personality to come out. And if I personally just met someone, even if I'm 100% ready to be a father and they instantly start forcing their kid on me before I'm ready to tackle that obstacle, It's going to scare me away. It's a red light. It's like meeting somebody, going out on one date, and them saying "I love you". I'm not afraid of love but going that far, that fast is going to scare the fuck out of me.
