Whenever I walk home from school, I always catch myself scanning the immediate area in front of me, watching out for any insects that may jump out of the grass. With each and every individual step, I pay close attention to the exact spot I expect my foot to land to make sure it's safe for any creature. Almost every day, I catch myself doing a high-speed dodge as some cricket leaps out of the grass.
For some strange reason, I can't stand killing things. No matter what the thing is. Ants, Spiders, Crickets, Rollie Pollies, Cockroaches, flies, bees, etc. I guess it's because I feel sorry for the little bugs. They're just living their life. They're not trying to be intentionally annoying. They don't even have the cognitive capacity for such planning. They're walking aroud, looking for food, looking for a mate, just acting purely off instinct. They don't mean nobody no harm.
I didn't always feel like this. Just a few years ago, I wouldn't think twice about swatting a spider if it dared to crawl across my floor. There was no hesitation, no thought, just a swat. I don't know what happened to me. I just can't do it anymore. Even, if it's something as insignificant as a fly, I just can't do it. I know the fly barely has a brain. I know it has only posses the most rudamentary definition of a brain. It has no family at home. It has no dreams and aspirations. But it does have life. And I'd just feel very bad if I were to take that away from it.
I'm not scared of bugs or anything like that. In fact, I find them quite fascinating. Sometimes, if I'm at the bus stop, I might let a bug crawl on my finger just to look at it. (if I'm alone of course). So I know I don't have any phobias of them. The mere thought of a lifeform being slaughtered under my own force makes me cringe. I guess I just hate to cause them pain. This applies to humans as well. If I cause anything or person pain, then I feel pain too. In this world, that's probably more of a weakness than a strength though.
I don't I know anyone else like this. Whenever a friend sees a spider wondering about, he leaps at the oppurtunity to take it out. Some of them even looked thrilled to kill it. As if it's some kind of game or something. They usually leave a big smile after they kill it, glancing at the corpse with a disgusted look, as if they they just contributed to cleaning the Earth. That's sick behavior in book. I wonder if I'm alone in my way of thinking. Does anyone else feel like this?
