The Depression thread

[menx64]

SmokedHostage said:
Contemplating my own suicide.

Coming to terms with my pan-sexuality.

Thinking about whether or not the western world or world in general will be around in the next ten years.

Chronic headaches are getting worse and more recently my ability to concentrate and read are deteriorating.

Worrying whether or not I have a brain tumor, extensive brain damage or have had a stroke in my sleep.

My general motivation to live disappearing.

Long term loneliness taking its toll.

 For some reason ever since I was in highschool that idea crossed my mind a million times, I even thought about how to make a "good" goodbye letter for my family. I had a very difficult childhood so I guess that was just the result of all the things I went thru. At some point I was so obsessed with that idea, that I spent a good amount of hours looking for info online, watching testimonials, documentaries, programs pretty much anything related with it. I have to say that I never really attempted to commit suicide though, it was always present in my mind but nothing else. Several years ago (8 or 7 I dunno) me and my brother found my dad just before he was going to hang himself, it was a very very scary situation, he reacted inmediately after he saw my brother and denied everything afterwards, but we are pretty sure of what we saw. My mom still doesnt know about it, we never really talked about it. I know my dad is better now, he divorced my mom and now has a new family, which is great btw, and somehow I dont really think about suicide as I used to. The feeling is somehow still present sometimes, but I try to keep living and doing things I like (which is anoter topic btw, I guess I am really fucked up ;9).