this is a somewhat long, but highly informative read. well worth the time, this may rock the world as you know it. this has really opened my mind, and has made me want to start an campaign to bring more awareness to this pressing issue!
Freehold, Iowa - Decent Christian Americans are thanking God for single Baptist mother, home school teacher, and Mike Huckabee campaigner, Ms. Tawny Huxton, who came home from Wal-Mart last week to find her teenage daughter, Holly, and her girlfriends laying on the couch in the family room with their skirts over their heads. When Ms. Huxton approached for a closer look, she could see tiny infra-red beams of light coming directly out from between each of the young ladies' legs. "I yelled, WHAT IN THE SWEET NAME OF JESUS?!" Ms. Huxton recalls. "When they saw me standing there, they screamed and pulled the Wii controllers I bought Holly for Christmas out from between their legs! Then they tried to hide them under the cushions while they were fiddling with their skirts."
The next day, while her daughter was at Sunday School, Ms. Huxton put the wet controllers in a plastic bag and packaged up the Wii console. She brought them to Pastor Deacon Fred, who after opening the bag to take a quick whiff, immediately delivered them to the Landover Baptist Secular Media Research Laboratory.
"When we confirmed there were cooterl secretions on the video game controllers, we issued a Yellow Action Alert to Focus on the Family," said Professor Dr. Donald Rawlings. "We also contacted our Christian friend in Japan, Masaru Hayate, to see if he could provide us with more details about the popular Wii video game console. In addition, our researchers started reviewing Japanimation films and Asian adult videos, searching desperately for more information."
After several days, researchers were able to confirm what their Christian intuition had already been telling them. "'Oriental woman use the exclamation, 'Wii,' when they experience extreme pleasure during a sexual encounter outside of marriage," Dr. Rawlings reports. "In many cases the term is also exaggerated or drawn out. For example: 'Wiiiiii!' Our friend in Japan tells us that Wii consoles and their vibrating controllers are found in brothels, sex-shops, and gentleman's clubs - or 'strip parlors,' throughout the island of Japan."
Pastor Deacon Fred issued an official press release earlier this week forbidding the ownership of Wii game consoles by any member of the Landover Baptist Church or its affiliated ministries. "Ms. Huxton's daughter, Holly, and her friends will be sent to North Dakota to our sequestered institution for Christian Homemakers and Dementia Ward this Spring," said Pastor. "We thank God that He has revealed to us what this so-called, "Wii" video game system is really all about, but someone has to be punished for it," he further stated. "Young ladies are not like men, the Bible teaches us through the story of 'Eve,' that their fickle minds are easily led astray by Satan's trickery. Holly and her friends will be spared further temptation by spending the next three years in isolation. With no electricity, running water, or access to anything that fits between their legs, they will have plenty of time to think about what they did to soil their mother's reputation and drag our congregation's good name through the mud!
