| trasharmdsister12 said: Every passing day I feel I should publish my mind and history more here but I fear the outcome. I fear how much it will make me sink and I fear what everyone will think of me, just like I fear and try to control every detail I present myself with in any social situation to come off in a good light. I've become so absorbed in how I come off to people that I've developed social anxiety. It has gotten to a point where I don't even feel like bothering with social scenes as it just becomes too much work and fear for me. And it doesn't end at the moment. I still maul over things I've said or done years ago that normally wouldn't matter to people but I still feel stupid about. Things as simple as fumbling for change in my pocket while there's a line of 2 or 3 behind me at a fast food chain are things I can't forget or let go of. I know it's silly and I know how pathetically small it is of me to care so much but I can't make it stop. And all it takes is a small thing to make me remember something like and have it snowball to the bigger messups I've had. While typing the first sentence I was thinking of my current (bizarre) relationship status, which reminded me of that girl I met the last time I went out (last May - I posted about it in this thread too) who randomly started taking pics with me - which further reminded me of my failed high school all or nothing attempt at a relationship... which leaves me here cold and disgusted with myself. |
I've done some preeetty stupid stuff and messed up A LOT, we all have. Sometimes I think like that, but honestly no one pays attention/cares about stuff like that, only you fixate over it. People don't care and you shouldn't either
I know those are memes but they accurately describe the situation. I'm a lot more carefree/less anxious than before = much happier :)
Essay Pro
