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In my mind, it would read something like this:

Pachter resigns

In a surprise move today, popular Wedbush Securities analyst Michael Pachter resigned from his position. The move comes a full two weeks after the analyst predicted he would one day move up to be the head of Wedbush. No news as to who will take his place but rumours have it that Magic Eight Ball and Ouija are strong contenders for the position, both of them having a similar success rate as Mr. Pachter in their predictions.



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