How would you go about contacting a girl you've never REALLY met? (edited)

[Joelcool7]

NiKKoM said:

Joelcool7 said:

Because I have actually formed relationships with multiple girls I did not know without creeping them out or causing problems. Only problem is I am not attractive physically and every girl I meet wants to be friends. However with that I have had many female friends who saw me as their girl friend and always ranted and raved about what guys did right and wrong and such. Part of the perk of being a girl's friend is you actually learn something about how the girls you like tick.

In the end your right I have never actually succeeded in getting a date with a girl. I don't ask very many out in my whole life I have asked only five girls out. I have been asked out four times face to face (Not including FaceBook) all four times I turned the girl down, because she did not meet my moral standards. Of the many times I have been asked out online (FaceBook and dating sites) I have yet to accept more then one date. The one I did accept wanted me to pick her up and I said I didn't own a vehicle after which she promptly cancelled.

Fact is the reasons I haven't dated a girl yet is because the girls I go after are all good Christian girls. Their aren't all that many Christian girls that have moral standards these days and the few that do are always taken or in the cases that they aren't they aren't attracted to a Zit covered person (In middle school, High school) or an over weight nerd (Late Highschool University).

Thing is I could have dated tons of girls by now if I had lowered my standards, such as dating non-Christians , girls with drinking problems, sex addicts etc..etc... My friends have told me I have many mutual friends interested and had another friend try kissing me once. However all of them are non-Christian and get around so to speak. Alcohol and drug issues etc...etc...

That is why I have yet to date, even in my less then attractive state I still get date offers from time to time and know of girls interested. But I choose not to date them due to moral incompatibility. Also I don't share anything in common with the girls who like me, they are all snobbish and none enjoy video games or movies or share a passion for technology etc...etc..

I will not date anyone for the sake of dating someone. If they don't match my moral basis (World View) and don't match my interested and am not compatible emotionally. Then why date? Many would argue date for sex, but being a Christian I don't believe in pre-marital sex so that point doesn't really resonate. Others would argue for company but fact is I have no shortage of friends and have female friends as well as male ones, I see no reason to start a relationship out of desperation.

In the end yah I can give advice. Good advice about how to get in contact with a girl and start a relationship. Now could I give advice on how to date a girl? No, not really because I only have experience starting relationships and talking to girls about how to ask a girl out properly what they find creepy and so fourth. I have created several friendships with girls I did not know, its better then striking out entirely and if I had better looks and asked out more chicks that were actually available I would probably have a lot more success.

first I respect your Christian beliefs of wanting to have no sex before marriage, but do you believe that the first girl you date is gonna be your wife and the first one to kiss you the mother of your childeren? Having a relationship with a girl is something totally different then having a friendship with them... you think it's special when a girl talks to you about their problems and getting to know how they tick?? Most of them tell their story to the first Hobo who talks to them on the street.. friendship=/= relationship.. Ask any man who actually dated a women.. they would all say it's a different level...

You talk about lowering your standards if you dated other people different from your beliefs.. that's so unrespectful, I can't believe that.. instead of broading your horizon, learning, finding new interests, showing respect to other views of world, you say it's lowering your standard.. but i'm going offtopic.. kid you have a lot to learn but I'll warn you about this: start to date, otherwise you'll make all the mistakes we made (and we made lots of them) when you finally find your perfect woman and you'll end up without her..

No I don't believe the first girl I date will marry me, however dating a non-Christian girl or one who does not share my religous or moral beliefs makes it very hard to maintain those beliefs. I know many men who started dating girls who did not share their moral basis and women who did so as well, many of them ended up having sex, trying certain drugs which one became addicted to and others renounced their beliefs entirely because their girl/boy friends did not like their beliefs. The problem is that most of these relationships ended and the men/women were left devestated they had sex, tried drugs and some abandoned their faith just to find out the girl wasn't going to stay with them.

It took one of my friends years to get off the drugs his girlfriend had convinced him to use, every Christian friend who remains that way regrets having sexual intercourse with their girl/boy friend to this day. The ones that abandoned their faith some have returned others have completely lost everything they stood for, their identity completely changed.

Then I also know family members on both sides of my family who were Christian and married a non-Christian. Their spouse makes fun of their religous beliefs and makes it hell for them to practice them. Both family members I know who married non-Christians go to church on their own each sunday, their spouses divide the family making fun of the spouse infront of the kid for having religous beliefs. I have talked to the kids my cousins and they are always upset because they say their parents constantly argue about how to raise them or their Christian identity. Both my family members have been on the brink of divorce for the last ten or so years, however they still value the sanctity of marriage and try to make things work for their childrens sakes and because they still love each other. The thing is the difference in moral beliefs has really hurt them both in the long term.

Problem with me dating a non-Christian, as you say I'm not likely to marry the first girl I date. However both my family members did not intend to marry non-Christians either. They dated them and fell in love and ended up marrying, a marriage that would be built on an unstable foundation and struggle for the entire span of the marriage.

So in dating a non-Christian I would be risking compromising my values and creating a hell hole relationship. I already know that if I truly fell in love with a non-Christian it would effect my judgement and could compromise my values. For me my values and beliefs and love of God are the most important aspects of my life.

Then there is the fact that I actually know several married Christian couples. They never dated non-Christians they kept their virginity and values in tact up until marriage. No experimenting with drugs, alcohol binges , promiscouity or loss of faith or denile of identity. I see my friends dating non-Christians they can't live the life they did. Many of my friends told me "I am two people, I can be Christian and God loving with everyone else but with my girl friend I need to be someone else", more then one friend has told that to me in different words but the same message. But my Christian friends who dated only Christians and ended up marrying or are in serious relationships are the same people they have always been. They have not changed their personalities or compromised their morals to date a girl/boy.

I start friendships with non-Christian girls all the time, I enjoy hanging out with them on a regular basis and have a lot of respect for them. However in each case where I was asked out I know the girls asking me out are anti-religous. One already tries to get me to skip church and young adults and my volunteer work to hang out with her, if I was dating her she would be putting a lot more pressure on me.

I am all for being respectful and respecting others beliefs, but dating a non-Christian would be openning my beliefs up to compromise or hers. I would never want my girl friend or wife to feel she had to change her beliefs for me. In the same way I will not change my beliefs or open them up to compromise for her. As such I see dating people who have drastically different religous beliefs very dangerous.

However do note I would date a Catholic or another domination of Christianity because at our core we share the same moral values and love of God.

But I do agree I do miss out on many things my friends do, sex being a huge one. Only thing is I choose to miss out some would say I am passing up the chance to have an intimate relationship and they are right, however I have seen so many intimate relationships destroy peoples lives. I may end up never getting married and being a virgin for the rest of my life, of course that is not preferable but I'd rather die single knowing I never compromised my values had a hell hole of a marriage or a dating relationship in which I ended up making big mistakes. Yes we learn from our mistakes but why should I go out and intentionally make them?

The big motto and famous quote "If you stand for nothing , you'll fall for anything"!