This is an emo teenage love story...so yeah...its nothing special.
So yeah, I got to know this girl around a year ago... I'm a really friendly guy, so I don't have much trouble making friends. So before long we got to know each other quite well. I'm usually really confident around girls, but it was the total opposite when it came to her. She was so beautiful and had the most amazing voice I've ever heard. Every time I talked to her, my legs started shaking like a little kid scared shitless and I would feel butterflies in my stomach.
I found that I couldn't stop thinking about her. I only meet her once, every week...every Sunday... so I spend the rest of the six days thinking about her. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep... and I couldn't concentrate on anything. At school, I would just lie in the classroom with my head up against a desk where I would think about her.. I don't think I would've gone for 5 minutes without thinking about her ever since I talked to her for the first time.
I couldn't even jerk off ! WTF was up with that ? I've had crushes before, but I knew this was a different level of stupidity. And before you could use it against me,
So yeah. I knew I had to do something about this because I thought I was going insane. So I got this girl's number and waited for a few days and texted her (because texting her ASAP would've meant that she knew I was desperate). I was the happiest I've been in quite some time and I felt extremely confident.
So I decided to ask her out. She was perfect. She was probably the nicest girl I've ever met..she was so pretty, but not a dumb whore who would fuck everybody in the rugby team. But it wasn't meant to be. She politely said no. I was extremely disappointed, but I accepted that you can't force someone into liking you. So I decided to move on. Everything would've been fine if things were just the way they were. But they went horribly wrong.
Anyway, I turned out to be such good friends with her. I'd go as far as saying we were best friends. This was a really bad idea imo...But deep down, I was still in love with her.
Then, recently she started dating a dude that I know is a complete douchebag. This asshole is addicted to drugs, and already had a girlfriend. The guy has his way with girls, thats for sure. So I adviced her to stay the fuck away from him. But she wouldn't listen. Anyway, this guy had tried to have sex with her (the very thought of that makes me wanna strangle a puppy) and she has said that she doesn't want to. Apparently, he got pissed off by that and started abusing her. She wanted him to leave him alone, but the asshole was stalking her or something, and even got into trouble with her mom (her dad had died a when she was young). I was extremely angry about this and I told him that I would beat the shit out of him if he didn't leave her the fuck alone. That was extremely stupid of me, because...well, I'm not really the type of guy who can beat somebody up... The dude and his friend beat the hell out of me with hockey sticks and I had to be hospitalized. I was bruised like hell, and had a few broken bones.
Apparently, the police had got involved and the dude was once caught with weed too...so he got into a lot of trouble..so I wasn't beaten up for nothing.
Anyway, she was in tears about me being beaten up and everything.
I know I shouldn't have done this, since we were such good friends, but I still loved her. So last Sunday, while I was talking to her after this Chemistry class, I told her that I loved her. She looked really sorry for me and said that she just didn't. I'm not the type of guy who usually cries. But the sadness was too much for me to take, and I burst into tears then and there. Then she started crying too, and she told me that there would be plenty of other girls who'd fall in love with me. I asked her what was so good about that asshole that she dated before that she doesn't see in me. Then she started crying even more and ran off. This made things worse for me. I stood there for like ten minutes crying before my friends dragged me away..
That night, I got drunk for the first time ever. I've promised my mother that I would never drink because my father was an alchoholic... So it was quite obvious that I had when I came back home smelling disgusting and started puking in the bathroom. My mother was so mad at me that I locked myself in the bathroom itself and fell asleep there. I was so depressed with my life that I even had suicidal thoughts. But fortunately, I realized how stupid it would be to kill myself.
Anyway, I feel a little better now, but I know that I probably won't be able to be with that girl ever..and even my friendship with her has taken a step backwards. I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to post this here anyway, but since I typed all this down I guess I'm gonna hit the post button now.
