If you really want to torture yourself with escort missions, try saving everyone in Dead Rising. They'll stand around crying, they seem to run TOWARDS hoards of zombies, they'll stay locked in struggle with a Zombie for minutes at a time screaming "Frank! Frank! Frank! Frank! Frank!" and if you try to knock the damn Zombie off the crappy collision detection will interrupt it as you just attacked them instead. You give them weapons they get all cocky and start fighting every damn zombie in the area until they get stuck in a struggle with one and you have to help them again. You try and tell them to go somewhere they seem to path find towards as many damn zombies as possible in the progress. After almost any encounter they have to do their useless after battle animation/phrase and waste more time. They constantly get stuck on walls, doors, corners. They constantly fall behind if your land speed reaches excess of five miles an hour. Some of the female ones are apparently completely incapable of functioning, and need you to hold your hand while you escort them, and the awkward turning controls for this will make it easy for you to get in between a zombie or something else, separate and have to rejoin.
Hilarious thing, wounded survivors are actually the EASIEST to escort. You have to carry or lend them a shoulder. So they’re always right with you, and the kicker, you can’t get bitten while this is happening! Zombies bite moves never connect when you’re carrying someone wounded, they’re sloppy punches sometimes do, but you just get back up and keep moving.
The achievement for saving everyone is called saint, it should have been named Special Olympics Coordinator, as no one else would be capable of corralling so many mentally deficient people into a single room.
As for game breaking glitches, when I played Earthbound as a kid, I actually fucked up where you can’t progress any farther. There’s an item called the “Tiger Eye” you need to navigate a Swamp up ahead. When I got it I gave it to Poo and moved onwards, and the second I left the dungeon Poo’s Master arrived to carry him off to learn his strongest attack. He took Poo, and by extension the Tiger Eye away. At the time I didn’t realize I would need that item to keep going, and when I got to the place you use it at (Deep Darkness) I couldn’t do anything. Poo doesn’t rejoin until a battle after you use that item, and there was no way to get another. Even with the map in the player’s guide, I couldn’t get through the swamp because of inviso walls set up when you haven’t used the eye. So I had to start over, and this is about three quarters of the way through the entire game. =/
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