Alright, I am in one of my moods again. One of those moods where I want to take a sacred cow in gaming and roast it point-by-point until my friends list on Facebook is dropping quicker than the weight of a person afflicted with cachexia.
Portal, yes a very lauded game. When I bought the Orange Box, I thought what in the hell is this? My friends fawned over it saying "Ooh wow it is the best puzzle game I have played since Tetris! You can open up holes in walls!" I replied, "Big effing deal, with Red Faction (2001) I could use explosives to create so many holes in the walls of a building that it looked like swiss cheese a second before it collapsed." Their response to this was a well...you just don't get it mumbling off feeling butthurt because not everyone agreed with them over their unanimous praise of Portal.
No, I got it and I wish I could refund that part of the Orange Box to place a preorder down on Episode 3. A little over 3 years since the The Orange Box and Episode 2 was released and what do I hear? Portal 2 will be released in April 2011.
Great...Episode 3 is most likely going to be Half-Life 3. I can live with that, but considering it has been 3 years since The Orange Box with Portal was released should I not expect Half-Life 3 to take 3 to 4 years to be created and be released?
No, Portal is the pet of Gabe Newell and Valve now. I expect Portal 3 in 2014 and Half-Life 3 in 2015.
Thank you Portal praisers who could not shut up online with your praise of the stupid 3 hour minute puzzle game. I say this with a level of disgust that only a soldier who has had a tour or 3 of war has for his enemies.
You, Portal praisers, are the reason why Episode 3 and Half-Life 3 will not be out until 2015 and after Portal 3. Next time, love a game and write your praise in your diary, not on your blog or gaming forums. Eff you very much.
/endrant
Essay Pro