The burning questions: How come a normal person is Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom when everybody there is half mushroom? Why does Bowser kidnap Peach so much? Why do some mushrooms give you power when you eat them but other mushrooms (AKA Goombas) kill you? Why is it that sometimes lava kills you instantly but other times, it only sets your ass on fire? Who the hell is the KING of the Mushroom Kingdom? Is it Bowser? How is Yoshi a boy but he lays eggs? Is Wart real or just a dream? How does shoving a racoon up your ass (and yes, there is an entire racoon shoved up their asses) but leaving the tail hanging out give you the power to fly? Why defend these castles so hard if the princess is in another one? Just tell me that she's not in this castle and I won't kill all of your soldiers and wear myself out fighting them--it's a win/win situation! Why does some quicksand kill you but other quicksand lets you sink without dying. Who packed that gold coin inside of a brick?
A movie could answer all of these questions. Or better yet, a Mushroom Scientist/Philosopher could say "Oh, there's a simple explanation for all of this....." and then, before he answers, he gets killed when Lakitu hits him with a Spiny.
