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WessleWoggle said:

I would blow my brains out if I was about to be cooked alive.

Your turn.

Why are you still alive then!?! You look like you're getting pretty baked in your avatar

OT:

I would blow my brains out if I ever got in the way of my ejaculation.

Rephrase:

My brains would be blown out if I ever got in the way of my ejaculation.