I think we're on the same page, here.
I actually think, if I were to nitpick, that it would be well on impossible - assuming the ability to experience a dream state that was totally convincing - to truly have something like a Totem to differentiate between being awake or asleep.
In fact, the real proof would be whether you can/can't modify your surroundings at will.
I'm therefore taking the Totem's at face value in terms of what Nolan intended them to do, based on made up rules, against my own "if it were real" nit picking. The Totem's work within the context of the film, but whether they would really work... well, that's a different story IMHO.
The top I felt, for example, was a pretty weak Totem. Only Arthur's die, out of the Totem's I noted, seemed to 'work' well within the concept.
Try to be reasonable... its easier than you think...
