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I know this whole thread is supposed to be (and will likely continue to be) unfunny sarcasm, I'd like to add a small point (somewhat unrelated to the thread).

I don't really get why people say "Ouch" at announcements that might piss some people off. Does it actually cause you physical pain to hear that a game went multiplatform or a console sold badly? Because if so, seek help. Either way, I'm annoyed.