I need help with my essay on Hamlet

[Mr Khan]

insomniac17 said:

Snake612 said:
Alright I have corrected my first paragraph
Here's the new version. Let me know what you think:

"Most novels or plays depicts a conflict between two people or more. In William Shakespeare's tragedy, Hamlet, the main character Hamlet, is involved a conflict between the ghost of his father and himself. The ghost of his father becomes the source of the conflict as Hamlet's thoughts and actions effect affect his relationships with his mother, Ophelia, and his uncle, King Claudius."

In William Shakespeare's tragedy, Hamlet, one such conflict arises between Hamlet himself and the ghost of his father.

It seems a bit awkward to have Hamlet twice in the same sentence so close together. I'm not sure what the best way to word that is, though.

Also, you used the wrong "effect." Affect means that something was changed because of something else. Effect is more like something that happened as a result of something else. Like, I affected his political views with my arguments versus The effect of my arguments altered his political views. If that makes sense.

As for the opening statement... I'm not sure. It's a good start, but I think you could do more. Something like... "Conflict in plays and novels has always been a common theme. (Sucky, but this part was always hard for me, so I understand if you have some troubles too) Hamlet, by William Shakespeare, is no exception. In this tragedy, the conflict emerges between Hamlet himself and the ghost of his father. This conflict influences Hamlet's thoughts and actions, which in turn affects Hamlet's relationships with his mother, Ophelia, and his uncle King Claudius."

Obviously that isn't perfect either. Yours is a good start. Just tweak a few things here and there, and make sure it's clear. I suggest that if you have the time, you write the essay, let it be for a day or two, and come back to it later. It helps you see your essay from a different point of view, and lets you notice things you may have otherwise missed.

I agree. That sentence refers to the same individual twice (the second Hamlet, and himself), and it does feel awkward to mention that the main character of Hamlet is named Hamlet.

 

And the second sentence seems to now totally reverse the concept expressed in your original rendition. There you said his relationships affected the conflict, now you say the conflict affected the relationships.