papflesje on 23 April 2009
I only read a snippet of your story, but first tip: There are other ways to describe marina aside from calling her Marina :p I scanned through your text and noticed a heck of a lot of "marina"-calling...
And you sometimes switch tenses >_>
(pm me your entry, would you, I want to know what I'm up against >_> Already submitted mine too ^^)
