Since I find myself defending a rape game in the gaming forums, might as well put my two-cents in here...
Assuming that this is murder vs. rape, I'll go with murder being "worse." To me, life is the most crucial thing, because everything else that I love depends on life to make it go.
Though I don't want to imagine any of it, I would prefer my S.O. to be raped than murdered, because post-rape I would hope that we could still find happiness for her, and together. And I would myself rather be raped than murdered, for much the same reason--I would still try to seek out a happy life. After being murdered... I wouldn't have much seeking to do.
Interestingly, I think that society feels that rape is the worse crime. Often there is some odd degree of fascination with or sympathy for the most horrendous murderers (consider the love letters that serial killers get, or the popularity of the Unabomber's manifesto). People ususally just hate rapists and call for their execution and/or castration.
Also, I'm reminded of a broadcast of Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles I saw about a year ago. There's a famous scene where bad guys are being interviewed for an outlaw position:
"What are your qualifications?" the interviewer asks.
"Rape, murder, arson and rape," the outlaw responds.
"You said 'rape' twice."
"I like rape."
Well, in the broadcast version, the word rape was actually bleeped out (which of course absolutely destroys the comedy of the sequence)... but the words murder and arson were left in.
