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lmfao, this is my favorite part:

"While this is never explicitly mentioned in Halo 3, Bungie has since confirmed that, like Dumbledore in Harry Potter, Master Chief is a pedophile. We don't have a link to where Bungie said this, but Bungie definitely said it, which is the point...

"Master Chief is a pedophile," we think Bungie probably said once. "He is one. We even drew some pictures of him doing it, and that means he is one.