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Wetcoaster said:
I've had my fair share of retarded moments, but those are just normal. Right?

I've told many people before and I'll tell you, and many people again.  Shitting your pants ISN'T retarded.  It's just poor timing or too much drinking.  Or you think you can squeeze out that one last fart, and well....  Soup poop.  I shit the bed beside my wife once.  I told her months later, she was pissed.