Obama Would Rename White House “Black House”
By Jeffrey Nutini • Sep 25th, 2008 • Category: Politics, Top Story
SPRINGFIELD, Illinois — As part of the Illinois senator’s campaign for change, Democratic Presidential Nominee Barack Obama announced on Wednesday in front of a crowd of supporters he would rename the White House to the “Black House.”
“In order to break free of the shackles of George W. Bush, we must institute change every step of the way. If elected president, the first thing I will do is rename the White House the Black House,” announced Obama, to roaring applause from the estimated nine thousand gathered to hear him speak.
“George Bush has tainted the great legacy of the most important house in America. We must send a message that America is moving out of the dark ages,” said Obama, with a toothy grin. Obama has not elaborated on whether he would go so far as to repaint the historic house, or simply change its name.
Obama finished his speech by performing the Charleston for the crowd. He then gave high fives, elbow rubs, and hip bumps to campaign supporters.
Fans of Obama mindlessly threw in their support for the decision. “I think it shows perfectly the kind of attitude we need in Washington right now,” said Matt Hermes, a screen door repairman from Eagle River, Wisconsin. “Only Obama has the tenacity to come up with these sort of policy decisions. I mean, come on. The Black House?! Who would’ve thought up something as clever as that besides Obama? Certainly not John McCain. GO PACKERS!”
While some criticized the decision, historians admit that the White House is no stranger to change. In the War of 1812, the British set fire to the White House, forcing it to be rebuilt. Facing grave structural damage during the Truman years, the landmark was again completely overhauled, this time with a steel support structure . During the Kennedy administration it underwent a major restoration headed by first lady Jacqueline Kennedy. The White House was rebuilt a third time after the Xeonc alien attack on Washington D.C. in 1973.
“I just love Barack Obama,” said Sandy Weaver, a grade school driving instructor from Walla Walla, Washington. “Whenever I hear him speak, I completely throw away any sense of objectivity, critical thinking, or free thought. If Barack announced a plan to imprison the Jews in concentration camps tomorrow, I’d be up there supporting it with him, 100%.”
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