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Now I can't even use the internet on my computer, so I'm on my wife's laptop. I'm running a scan with Avast before Windows boots up, because when I ran one in safe mode, it found a virus in my system memory and told me to.

Now my main pop-up is PCPrivacyCleaner, which says that there's pr0n hidden all over my computer, and a virus could show it to everybody, which could ruin MY CAREER AND MY MARRIAGE. And the warnings have horrible grammar. It's awesome.

If it gets worse, I'm gonna have to dump everything from my computer onto DVDs, but my burner doesn't work either, so I'll have to move it to my wife's laptop in chunks with my 16 gig USB flash drive, so I can burn it onto DVDs on her laptop, and then save the DVDs for some day in the future when I have a new computer.

If it doesn't get worse, I'll never cook again.