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Prime Minister of Canada Begs Rockstar to Make GTA:Montreal

B Miggs on April 25th, 2008

Montreal, Canada - Yesterday, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper sent horse drawn carriages to pick up some of the Game Designers from Rockstar North who had worked on the Grand Theft Auto Series in an attempt to show them that Montreal is a great place for the franchise to head next. We tailed the trail through the woods in the MW Party Van™ and noticed some Canadians riding Moose, Elk and Golden Eagles like whimsical elven adventurers with turtlenecked sweaters. Quite the sight!

 

We were then treated to a power-point presentation about Canada, projected on the back of a log cabin where we learned:

- Every man, woman and child in Canada is required to grow a beard at least twice in their lives (for good luck)

- Canadians can communicate with beavers

- Over half the world’s supply of novelty feathers grow on Canada’s trees

- 93% of the country is made of wood

- They are plotting to kill us all

After a delicious pancake luncheon that the Prime Minister’s wife made, (complete with maple syrup from his pet friend tree) the presentation was underway. Harper began, “Montreal is one of the most friendly places on earth and a great direction away from the violence and vice of ‘Liberty City’s’ underground. The city will bring an unparralled level of freedom and interaction to the franchise because all of our doors are never locked. The player can go anywhere he pleases and be treated to a plethora of old time stories and whistle circles with our welcoming neighbors.”

The wooing and courtesy must have paid off, because today we got word from Rockstar about their plans for the next installment of the franchise: “We just had a lovely trip to Montreal, where we met with Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper who presented his ideas for GTA:Montreal. At first we had our doubts that such a radical change to the series would be profitable and allow us to keep the fan base we have amassed for the past 11 years, but after the trip we’re in awe of the natural beauty and feeling of true friendship we experienced in Montreal. No longer will we make violent video games and from now, on we will direct all our hugs and kisses to GTA:Montreal due out by the Summer of 2010.”

Well, that sucks. Thanks for ruining our fun, Canada! We don’t come to your jobs and delete the Bryan Adams off your ipods.