Because nothing worthwile comes from a lack of effort. Or something like that.

Joke/troll threads are an art and I'm happy you've attempted to keep the art going. 

It's not even April Fools Day yet. This is just a warm up.

It's not even April Fools Day yet. This is just a warm up.

The first victim of my adulthood was Mario. Poor, poor Mario. Always having to go through hell to save the princess... ad infinum. But since the series clearly panders to children, it was no small loss. Most other child-centric platformers fell soon after.

Next came a very large amount of role-playing games. Mainly JRPGs, because WRPGs tend to aim for an older crowd (but end up hitting the same age range anyway). Some of them had interesting stories, but all of them suffered from colorful, corny presentation and stereotypical teenage characters existing to draw in the high school anime fan club crowd. Stamp this one with the childish label.

Ah, the shooters were soon massacred, too. Their plotlines are hardly more compelling than the exposition I used to write as a child, before I massacred my friends with a N-Strike Elite. Multiplayer has the same effect, only multiplayed by one hundred times because it usually doesn't even try to sell me on its universe. Mindless dung for the testosteronal teen to consume.

But... there's refuge in the indies, right? In the adventure games... and the Naughty Dogs and the Bioshocks and such, right? WRONG. Overused pop cultural tropes run rampant in Uncharted and The Last of Us, and Bioshock's storytelling, while better than most, is uneven and as a whole fails to satisfy in the end. These are wannabe books and movies borrowing ideas from the likes of Indiana Jones and Atlas Shrugged, desperately clawing for validation from mature audiences. Pathetic. Not even close to a Citizen Kane comparison. Not even close to a 12 Years A Slave comparison.

And what of my former favorite game, Metroid Prime? Well, I saw the light. Prime is a beautiful game which takes itself seriously in all of the correct ways, but when it comes to actual depth and meaning to its sci-fi trappings, I'd be better off watching any episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. This is sci-fi for people who can't appreciate real sci-fi.

Childish. All of it. Senseless violence, unfocused presentation and storytelling, little thought required to fully enjoy anything... I'm done. I'm too old/mature for this crap.

Not. I play games for the fun, and consuming something colorful and/or mindless won't make me less secure in my adulthood. When someone tells me that they grew out of X game, I'd like to know Y.