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Forums - General Discussion - I beat up my step dad. Was I wrong in doing so? (Long read)

Euphoria14 on 02 May 2013
Horrorfest said:
Euphoria14 said:
I think you were and this is why.

First off, you complain about how someone won't do this or that for you. Then you say that you can't do things when they want because of your conditions. This right away sounds like you expect everything to work your way, in what benefits you best.

Why do I think that? Simple. You want him to help you out and if he doesn't, you get pissed. Meanwhile, when he complains that you don't help out around the house and you state that it because you don't do things for nothing.

If you want help, then you better expect to give it too. People don't give you shit for free and then when they want help in return you ask for compensation.


You seem to have underlying issues and I think you need to find someone to help you. Now, I don't mean that to offend. It just seems you are way too full of aggression and if people don't do what you want in the manner you want them to then you get angry with them.

The world doesn't revolve around you. You live in that house. It is your job to help out around the house and around the yard and not just cleaning your own dishes.

If I were him (From the story I just read here), I wouldn't be happy with you either.


Him not fighting back is also not a sign of him being a pussy, but rather that he bitches in hopes that you will do something other than expect everyone else to do everything for you. Obviously this failed and you instead resulted to attacking him physically.


So yes, you were wrong. You were very wrong.


You missed what I said. I said he broke his work and he did. He gave me his word that he would help me out and he lied to me and made false promises that he couldn't deliver. This has happened a few times. 

Do you work? Just curious.

 

I am going to assume this man works. I am going to also assume this man cooks and cleans around the house and does the heavy yardwork. I am going to assume he treats your mother well (As you do not make any case for him not doing so).

I am also going to assume that there are times where he could have done things, but because you wake up late he should shift his schedule around to accomodate you.

 

From your story (And this is YOUR story, which makes it worse), he doesn't sound like the problem.

 

 

When was the last time you mowed the lawn? How about rake the leaves? Shoveled the driveway of snow?

Just curious.



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Euphoria14 on 02 May 2013

Horrorfest said:

You missed what I said. I said he broke his work and he did. He gave me his word that he would help me out and he lied to me and made false promises that he couldn't deliver. This has happened a few times. 


Also, just to use your own line of thinking against you.

Yeah, he promised, but he doesn't need to do anything for you. Why do anything for you when he gets nothing but shit in return?



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MoHasanie on 02 May 2013

You were wrong to do that. You need to learn to control your temper cause you get very agitated and very angry way too quickly. I'm suspecting you are 17 - 18 years old since you are learning to drive, get very aggressive, and seem quite moody. Your mother doesn't seem to have a problem with him so it seems as if you have a problem with him based on other reasons. 
Also, even though he isn't that nice of a guy (according to you), it seems as if he does try with you by cooking for you and even taking you driving, so that makes what you did even worse. And, he gave you a lot of time to teach you driving, but you clearly weren't motivated enough to do so cause you weren't willing to go to sleep early, so you can't blame him for that. And why does it take you so long to learn driving? It took me 2 weeks.



    

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Talal on 02 May 2013
Horrorfest said:
Talal said:
Well, it seems that he does a lot to help out in the house. Maybe if you start helping him out on some errands he wouldn't be mean to you.


No, he cooks. He doesn't even do that all the time. I make my own food when I have to and have no problems doing do. I never ask him for anything. I'm not going to do favors when he doesn't help me out with anything after he gave me word. I forgot to mention it but there has been a few times where he confronted me on resolving our problems and telling me he would help me out. Selling his car did not help me out. He broke his word.


The fact that he gave you these promises shows that he does care about you. I know that it's disappointing when someone breaks their promise, but he may simply not be able to keep these promises. Also you seem self dependent and you're an adult now. You should try and achieve these things on your on (learn driving and getting a job etc).



Euphoria14 on 02 May 2013
MoHasanie said:

You were wrong to do that. You need to learn to control your temper cause you get very agitated and very angry way too quickly. I'm suspecting you are 17 - 18 years old since you are learning to drive, get very aggressive, and seem quite moody.
Also, even though he isn't that nice of a guy, it seems as if he does try with you by cooking for you and even taking you driving, so that makes what you did even worse. And, he gave you a lot of time to teach you driving, but you clearly weren't motivated enough to do so cause you weren't willing to go to sleep early, so you can't blame him for that. Also, why does it take you so long to learn driving? It took me 2 weeks.

From his story it sounds like the step-father's issue with him is that he doesn't help around the house (He has a bad shoulder from the sound of things) and shows a total lack of respect.

My father used to bitch all the time about me never helping out around the house. He would bitch at me because I would never mow, take out the trash, rake the leaves, etc... I left it all to him.

That doesn't make him an asshole. If anything, I was the asshole who didn't appreciate what I had. Now I make it a priority to make sure I help out as much as possible and prevent him from having to do too much back breaking work. He is 54.



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Xxain on 02 May 2013
MoHasanie said:

You were wrong to do that. You need to learn to control your temper cause you get very agitated and very angry way too quickly. I'm suspecting you are 17 - 18 years old since you are learning to drive, get very aggressive, and seem quite moody.
Also, even though he isn't that nice of a guy, it seems as if he does try with you by cooking for you and even taking you driving, so that makes what you did even worse. And, he gave you a lot of time to teach you driving, but you clearly weren't motivated enough to do so cause you weren't willing to go to sleep early, so you can't blame him for that. Also, why does it take you so long to learn driving? It took me 2 weeks.


I undertand that situation probably better than anybody else. I have only had a license and a car for year and a half. I had to buy my own BEFORE getting my license with the help of a friend to drive with me. I have practiced driving on and off for years(since I was 18) with about 10 differrent ppl. It is tough to find a car and somebody not your family willing to dedicate the time to show you the ropes the whole 9 yards



Horrorfest on 02 May 2013
KHlover said:
I don't think you were wrong, but you should be more careful now. If another situation like this occurs and both of you have no witnesses the police will be more inclined to believe your stepfather, I think (especially if he is as weak as you describe him).


I know I've already replied to a number of posts but I just want to clarify this. He is not handicapped. He does live off disbability and he has shoulder problems but he is not unable to defend himself as I said he tried coming after me several times where I didn't want to fight. I also mentioned I tried to stop a number of times but he wouldn't stop harassing me screaming at me throwing insults and calling me out as a man. He is not weak per say but he definitely was able to defend himself. 



forest-spirit on 02 May 2013

Well, judging from your story you weren't right, that's for sure. Sounds like he at least tried to do something about your relationship but you on the other hand didn't lift a finger to make the situation better. If you really respect your mother you need to drop the "I'm entitled to everything and shouldn't need to do anything in return" attitude and start helping out at home.



DélioPT on 02 May 2013

If you see something wrong in him try not to hate it or follow it. it will only make you lose your peace.
Don`t try to fight it (not literally) because the more you do more it will live in you.



Xxain on 02 May 2013

You should always prioritize doing things for yourself first and foremost. Dont rely 100% on everybody else because they have lives to a will NOT be there all the time and thats fine. I giving you the shadow of a doubt because I know how it feels to live with ppl you despise( Im overly aggressive when dealing with moms bf even on the smallest things),