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This if a tough one.

5p TruckOSaurus - is your house on a 45 degree angle?
4p Nero - old man beard and boyish good looks works surprisingly well.
3p Ninjapirate - nice glasses and good beard.
2p The_BlackHeart_ - looks like a cover shot from a corny boyband album. We might need to recruit you for the VGC boyband that some of the guys are putting together.
1p - golfgt170 - I don't know why I'm brave enough to give you 1p because you look like a fucking nutter.